Relationships That Won't Work

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone (no matter whether it's friends or more) and you are always looking out for the other person but it seems they could care less about your life?

This imbalance will not allow for a healthy relationship. One person can't always take from the relationship while the other person constantly gives. That's a recipe for stress and disappointment.

Have a talk with the person to discuss your concerns.

If the person doesn't realize what's happening but will hear you out and actually reflect back on his or her actions to see if what you are saying is valid, then there is hope for the relationship. It means they actually care. (Or is mature enough to reflect.)

If you try to speak to the person about what's happening and the person brushes you off by saying things such as, "you are making a big deal about nothing" or, "I have more important things to deal with than what you are talking about", you can pretty much assume that there is little respect, care or concern (or a lot of immaturity and selfishness) for you and the friendship is really false. (Or might as well be, lol)

Usually he or she is self centered and only concerned with what they get out of the relationship and people in general actually. He or she may need room to mature or grow before having a healthy relationship with anyone and frankly that growth and maturity can't happen as long someone is there that allows them to practice continue that poor behavior (friend abuse).

People handle these difficult situations in different ways depending on their mental and/or emotional needs, personal preference, or how much they care about the person with the bad behavior. None of this is substance for the correct way to handle the relationship. You really have to step back and determine if you are contributing to the continuation and why.

Also, allowing yourself to be abused in a friendship can keep the other person from experiencing growth and maturity and at the same time take you down from a stable life to one in shambles.

This means even if it is your desire to 'fix' that person it's important to realize 2 things....

1. you can't 'fix' someone who isn't ready for help 2. there has to be boundaries for your efforts or project no matter if it is a friend, family, loved one, lover, etc.

For instance, if the person is cruising through life with goals defined and en route to living his/her dream, there is room for challenges, if so desired. But you must be careful.

The more time and energy you invest in someone who is not reciprocating the more time and energy it will take to see results. Unfortunately the movement is not always forward.

The more you give (time, money, advice) to one person unregulated, the more you take away the amount of responsibility from the other person. This makes them more dependent and all of a sudden you have a black hole draining your energy.

Even worse, supposed the poor old chap is struggling to get ahead, just trying to make it. Ok, the last thing needed is a toxic relationships at any level. (Toxic in this case meaning someone just taking, taking, taking, taking) So he/she needs to take having boundaries even more seriously. See what I mean?

It might seem easiest to just disappear from the troubled one's life but it may not be good to completely disappear from their life or it might be, that would vary depending on the specific circumstances. So if you care, it would require careful consideration about how to precede. For certain, it shouldn't continue as if it were normal. You deserve better and that person does too. (Remember you are also holding him/her from maturing)

Usually this type of person needs someone they can talk to that genuinely cares about him/her. This is because with that attitude, he/she is likely not to have any true friends.

I would say do what you need to, especially in violent situations, but don't just abandon if possible. You have to judge. I feel in many cases, clearly defined boundaries on the relationship will do the trick.

Don't reward ill behavior. Limit how much you give of yourself. Save it for someone who appreciates a good friend. Let the immature grow.

If they need to talk, comfort them momentarily, but if they want to draw you in to drama back away. Give a number to a counselor or life coach or something. Even pass them a few CDs or DVDs about attitude or relating. Maybe they will hear the right message from someone else.

Allowing things to continue condones the poor behavior and immaturity, exposing you to friend abuse and it continues to hold that person back from growing into a real adult...

also known as experiencing personal growth.

Just my 2 cents anyway, what say you?

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